I apologize profusely for the missing written recap for those of you that had been expecting them. The last few weeks of work and undergrad were demanding of me buuuuuuuuuut! I graduate today and I hope to give this site a little more time now.
I have been chronicling the episodes and my reactions via my YouTube channel YouTube.com/Lavieenrougee. This is the latest video. Visit my page to see them all!!!
After what I can only explain as a dreadful three weeks Scandal has returned and with a vengeance. I survived the hiatus but I most certainly did not enjoy the fact that scandal was off the air but let us not dwell on the past. Top Of The Hour was well worth the wait.
Yet another scandal for the Grant administration and their supreme court justice situation. Boy I tell ya, Fitzgerald is lining them up for the kill, sometimes literally. If Fitz ever nominated me I would just march clean into Olivia Popes office asking “what speck of dirt in my past that I may or may not have been aware of has blossomed into a mushroom cloud of political, personal and professional doom since I’ve be nominated?”
Lets be serious, this guy hadn’t the chance in hell.
Mr. Stanner, You really showed your ass, you know that?! Running out on that lawn like you lost your ever loving mind! We were all just having a big Olivia Pope sleep over and yukking it up trying to save your marriage, making fritatas and recounting your marriage, except this time WITH the story about what your wife was REALLY doing and you want to ruin the party. Do you ever think of anyone but yourself Mr. Stanner?! Sheesh.
I really liked Sarah Stanner, she was real, she made a mistake and she owned it, and when more of the lie came out, she eventually owned that too and when even more came out…. well, lets not dwell on the details. All I am saying is I would like to visit her house sometime, the place is nice, she is hospitable and she drinks straight from the bottle on good nights and as long as we can pour out a little for the homies before we take a sip I think we would really get along.
CEO Sarah Stanner is accused, and guilty, of an affair with her professor.Evidently in the world of success and high-powered DC scandal hateration and stalkeration (yes I just elevated my level of poetic license to that of MJB) are all the rage.
This whole Jake situation is really throwing me for a loop. I consider myself to be an audience member that watches in two ways
1. I go through the emotional ride of the show with the characters, I think and evaluate and analyze the show in consideration of the characters’ feelings
2. I watch as an audience member and take into account all the occurrences of dramatic irony and all the information I do or do not have that the characters do not or do have. I.E. the fact that Jake is a stalker. Which brings me to my next point.
I was brought some peace when I first found that Jake was in fact hired by the President and not just a stalker for sport but it has recently come to my attention that he is …… CREEPY AS HELL. I wouldn’t want him and Liv to end up getting serious for any reason. I don’t even have to get into how creepy his arrangement with her is I’ll simply say this: A relationship cannot be based on lies. Jakes entire presence in Livs life is a lie and its pretty cruel and manipulative and sick and twisted, he has taken away her choice. You cant fake chemistry, you cant hijack the authenticity of companionship. The calls at just the right time, the mention of the books she likes, the fly boy attitude and swagger to keep up with Olivia and keep her interested all of it, its all a farce. No, just no. He needs to go soon.
Not to mention how he is betraying Fitz and trying to murder photographers.
Using audience method number one I can see precisely how Olivia can be attracted to or even amused by or interested in Jake. She knows enough about him to keep herself entertained but she isn’t in too deep. He is like that first cup of soup after Oral surgery. (I hate to describe the train-wreck that is her and Fitzs relationship as something as unpleasant as oral surgery but i’m not the one doing the screwing up here, OK ) As I was saying, Jake is like that first bowl of soup, you arent yet ready for solids again but no more eating from a straw or only having apple sauce, its warm and arguably wholesome and it wont be this way forever. I can understand Jake as a rebound. Olivia is still going through it with Fitz and its good to have something to do with your time when you aren’t working. In her eyes the guy is OK she isn’t marrying him and they have hardly had a real date. Once she finds out about his best-buy wall it will be back to square one and that kinda hurts me. Olivia cant catch a freaking break. Can we get into a whole new bag of trust issues and scars? What has this woman done to deserve being wooed and flat out lied to by the guy hired by the love of her life to spy on her after they had the most emotionally devastating parting of their lives?
Can we get into the perfection of this Abby and Harrison scene. The writing, as always, says so much with so little and the talent takes it ‘over a cliff’ as usual. There is a quick moment of silence in the middle of this scene just after Abby says “Im not mad Harrison, I’m not.” and the energy just changes. The next line Abby say is that she has come to realize that Harrison is a Gladiator first and a person second. What is so great about this scene is that Abby is saying that she can be a person second, she can ‘keep it thuggin’ she can detach but she isn’t doing that in this moment. I feel like this was Abbys goodbye to Harrison in a figurative way. Just as she said, she is still her, she always has been, but she let Harrison in, she gave him an emotional hard-pass into her very guarded world and what he did was not the worst thing, its that she had put it past him. She didn’t prepare to be betrayed by him, she wasn’t waiting on it, and she usually is, but he did. So now Harrison is out. Abby is usually a bitch and she seems like one of those bitched that you could really get along with because she knows she is a bitch and she isn’t one of those people hating bitches that love isolation, she is more of an elitist bitch that only lets some in and they tolerate her and know not to cross her and she still doesn’t trust most of them but some, like Harrison get let in. But now, Harrison is on the other side of her very strong very closely guarded brick bitch wall and she has a whole new reason to be the bitch that she is.
Now as far as the future goes….. I know Abbison is a possibility and the ‘change of energy’ in this scene really sets the tone for it to happen. That moment is going to be a puzzle piece. Mind you, I have watched since episode numero uno and in scandal land there are always scenes that I go back and watch and I am completely blown away with the blatant parallels and the not so obvious moments of silence or eye-contact, smirks, moments of silence little bitty puzzle pieces that fit together all too well, and whats more amazing is that the talent in this show had no idea how much it connected to the future episodes. Think of when Cyrus says to Fitz in season 1 “Do you know what I have done to put you here, the lengths I have gone to” Think of how Jeff delivered that line and the ‘what happens next monologue” and how the choices he made worked so perfectly. HOW DID HE DO THAT WHEN HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT DEFIANCE!!!! They are blowing my little beginner actor head of , just, mind: blown. With that said, look out for Abbison, cold Abby and subtle connections!!!
Kerry admitted to being messed up after shooting this phone call and I can see why. This was cause for being ruined. The way the Stanners were arguing in the background and simultaneously filling in parts of the OLITS convo/struggle was pure brilliance. “I’m ruined” wasn’t even the most powerful line for me, what did me in was when Fitz said “I trusted you, you were all I had.”
Can you say real freaking tears! He wasn’t just talking about heartbreak on a romantic level, Olivia was all he had at that table when the decision was made and she failed him. Fitz trusted Olivia he believed that there were some things that would not happen, some lengths that would not be gone to if she was there, she gave him hope, she was the saving grace and a reason to believe that there was still something good and worthy in his world and that even if Olivia was not perfect she wasn’t the same as Hollis or Mellie, Or Cyrus or his father or even Verna. Olivia failed him, she crushed him by doing what she did. Fitz knew that when it came to playing fair or acting with dignity and integrity his chances with the others was shot to hell but Olivia, Olivia was better than that and she believed in him, she was all Fitz had and she voted yes on making his life a lie. As she says to Sarah Stanner later in the episode, in another mirroring conversation, she did what she thought was best for him at the time and she has to learn to forgive herself.
I really just wish she had apologized. I also wish that Fitz would get his life together, I don’t like this Fitz, he is mean and he shouts and its not sexy anymore and he smells like alcohol and I want my old Fitz back!
Fitz shut the door in Mellies face…….. No, like, he shut the door, IN. HER. FACE.
That made my damn night. I will continue to watch that scene and bring myself the joy of seeing him reject her with that door. The only other feel good moment that could compete with this is Olivia clearing the way for Edison to step after she gave him Mitt Romneys missing five point plan.
Fitz has completely shut Mellie out and I am upset with Mellie as a woman because, as low as she is, I would hope that she was above staying in an unhealthy relationship. I am not saying she is a victim here but I would imagine that an evil person like herself would simply not stand for certain things. Evil or not, have some dignity Mellie, at least be above staying with a man that doesn’t want you, won’t even approach you for sex for no other reason than the simple fact that you are there and willing, doesn’t trust you and shamelessly avoids you. I cant wrap my head around why YOU aren’t trying yo leave HIM Mellie????!!
Cyrus and the apolitical vagina, brother story of James Novak and the Giant peach… wait, I am getting a fact checker on that second part. Miss Cyrus, you stay coming for Olivias wig on your bad days. I really love Cyrus more and more every week and it’s the best kind of love, the I love you as you love. Many times its easy to love folks that we admire or want to be like or look up to or want to be close to or get to know, I don’t want any of that with Cyrus but I love him. He makes me re-evaluate everything I thought I knew about right and wrong and courage and bravery and justice. Its like the feeling I got about strippers after going to my first pole party and leaving with bangs and bruises, you know you aren’t cut out for it, you wouldn’t want to do it anyway but you look at those people differently.
I really cannot wait for the day I meet Jeff Perry because I will all but bow down and thank him for bringing Cyrus to life for me. I do believe that the writing is amazing, and Jeff gets that material because he handles it, but Cyrus come to life because of Jeff. I feel like I have known Cyrus for years, I love him. Jeff is, whew, just brilliant. Side note: I will never forget the story they told about Shonda seeing jeff moving furniture and saying ‘That’s so sad, that’s one of my favorite Chicago theater actors and now he is moving furniture’ not realizing he was married to Linda Lowy and helping her lift stuff, and Jeff commented later that ‘I was either stealing shit or moving it’. Love that guy.
Ok so this is the point in the analysis/recap/ post about the last Scandal episode where I realize I cannot possibly cover everything I thought about this episode without writing a small novel so I had better give up now.
Wrap up: OPA for the win, I need more Olitz, 220 begins shooting Tuesday, Tony is directing 220, Donna Brazil was tweeting and I love having her as a Gladiator! The fan base is Cray! The Teddy kiss made my ovaries go POOF, the cutie that played the Stanners daughter was very nice on twitter, sweet gal, Lauren is FIRED Huckleberry Quinn was too cute and I am proud of little baby Quinn growing up, check out my recap videos whenever I don’t do written commentary, Scott Foley was on this weeks Scandal Revealed, ummmmmmmmmmm, yeah that is about it! Gotta go, got fanfic to write!
I hope you all enjoy this labor of love!
Stay beautiful!
Love,
Zan
Alternative names for this episode
“Mommas baby, daddy’s maybe”
“The apolitical vagina”
“I’m ruined”
“Goodbye Mellie”
“You’re fired Lauren”
“Drink with me”
“Olivia needs a mirror”
Anyone that is even slightly familiar with Oprah and her current productions knows the meaning of an AHA moment: an epiphany, a new understanding, a moment of initial enlightenment, a pronounced truth, a fact of life that has made itself evident. At least that’s my definition.
I met with a close friend today, someone I consider my sister, and in the course of the conversation we started talking about the paths that we have taken, or created rather, as 20-something young ambitious professionals. All things considered we could have simply become someones very skilled employee with a bright attitude and a ‘great future’ ahead of them. A great future would usually entail work in something that we are not passionate about for an extensive period of our lives with little or no financial flexibility, what could be a great marriage and some respectful and humble, but not so privileged kids and dreams that are just that, dreams. We simply are not cut out for that and we realize what we want.
My friend asked me, “What clicked for you, when did it just click for you, how did you know.”
That really sat with me because it’s the topic of my my journal entries: New discoveries and understandings and counter intuitive or affirmative events and conversations and experiences and observations. There was no one moment when everything became clear to me I have just learned lessons and had Aha moments and I took them and ran with them, I held on for dear life. I couldn’t get all of those things out while we were there but I knew I had to come back to my computer, not my journal, and write them down to share.
The following is somewhat of a belief system of mine that is really a quilt constantly being added to. I will warn you now, this may not be coherent or in any specific order but it should all make sense. Also not that this
Be humane; We are all in this together
Operate in love: the experience of life is so much better when we look at others through the loving, not judging, eyes of God.
No one is living your dream, the people you admire and look up to have not soaked up all of Gods goodness, his grace and will cannot be exhausted. As an actress I could easily be saddened that I didn’t get to play Nina Mosley in Love Jones, or Miranda Priestly, or Olivia Pope or Eve in Eves Bayou but I know now that there will come a day when something beyond my wildest dreams comes to me in a role and I will know: THIS IS IT, this is my Eve, this is my Nina, this is my Olivia, this is my Miranda!
I have learned how to pray all over again and I would say that I am much more spiritual than religious, I understand that religion is an institution not a universal truth. My journey in faith has been to find my own personal truth and understand that I should test my faith an KNOW WHY I BELIEVE WHAT I BELIEVE! I came to the realization that someone somewhere or some situation in life was going to test me and I needed to be prepared for sake of my own sanity and possibly my salvation. I believe that if we don’t test the waters and cultivate our own belief, whatever concoction we may come up with, then intelligence will challenge faith and brilliance can corrode sanity if we don’t awaken to some of the bigger truths in the world.
I live with belief in the quote “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain on my soul”
I know that I am a source of energy and I focus on meditation and practicing being present.
I found it really astounding how the issue of presence constantly presents itself. In life it is so vitally important to be present, to be there with the person in front of you, to be taking in all of life and leaning into the moments of importance, to be aware of your energy and what you put into the universe. I have not studied or glanced over a faith system or a guide to success that does not stress the importance of presence. In yoga and meditation most of the practices are centered around breathing and around presence. At the most fundamental level is about feeling the energy that is you, I am not sure yet if it is your spirit or your soul or your heart but its definitely not your mind, it is what comes when you quiet your mind, its that feeling of existence. I was raised in a christian church and it blew my mind when I made this connection: When we pray, we ask for the presence of the lord to fill a room, to cover those seeking salvation, and in meditation the main focus is often…. wait for it….. PRESENCE. Presence is our connection to our inherent and shared divinity, it is there no matter what else is going on in life. What the calculating and logical left brain cannot read but can be detected by the right brain is your energy.
Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor: You are responsible for your life. … You are responsible for the energy that you create for yourself, and you’re responsible for the energy that you bring to others.
You think and then you feel and then you act. This is concept that I first heard structurally in reading “The Secret” but I bear witness to it everyday, I am a walking testimony of it!
If you feel a certain way and you decide to re-calibrate and adjust your attitude and your thoughts your feelings will change. If you think negatively, you cultivate and act out of fear, if you think with optimism you begin to feel and act more positively.
I have learned life is about fulfilling a purpose that God has for you, it is about living to the fullest and taking chances when your heart says you should but it is also about patience and making sacrifices and tough choices but ultimately knowing what matters and what matters not.
A life living someone else’s dream is not worth living if that is not your purpose. I had moments in life that continuously led me to follow my own dreams and aspirations and take my own journey even when that means doing things alone and sometime being alone.
I am a runner and I can truly say that this sport has taught me the meaning of the phrase “Life is a marathon not a sprint” Its a journey, not a trip.
Patience truly is a virtue and if you do not cultivate it you may find yourself in a losing fight with life, this takes me back to one of my first points, listen to life!
There are about 6,000 aha moments I had while reading A Return to love by Maryanne Williamson and about 4000 I have come across since beginning my acting studies which I consider an art of observation, honesty and fantasy that tells so much of the human story.
One of the biggest realizations I have come to is the importance of having a vision and working actively in it and towards it. My friends and family know that I keep a vision board up in my room and I update it roughly twice a year. Getting up in the morning and seeing the words and images that remind me of who it is I am becoming and what I want to create in life, what I am attracting to me and it puts things into perspective, its not a magic piece of paper that does all of the work but it has ‘powers’
I have learned to give myself credit and to practice courage and gratitude. So many times in life I have found myself ignoring my hard work and positioning and saying that things are coming ‘out of nowhere.’ Things don’t come ‘out of nowhere’, you attract them to you, you work for them and they may not come on your watch or in the same box you were expecting them in but they will come and if you are looking for them you will realize it. I have learned that where I am, what I have accomplished, opportunities that have come my way are not falling in my lap, they are when opportunity meets preparation: Oprah’s definition of luck. I have learned to prepare for what I want, to constantly practice gratitude and to be a walking testimony to Gods grace and the fact that “the universe is conspiring in my favor” – Marianne Williamson
Trust the process: Nothing is coming for me, but something is waiting on me. In other words, that looming feeling I get that there is something I should be doing or somewhere else I should be or something in life that is at the end of or at another point on this journey that I am on its not coming for me, its not going to fall on me like a ton of bricks or dissipate if I cant get to it RIGHT NOW but I have to listen to life and to trust the journey even when I am not certain how what I am doing now connects to my future, it never fails. Life builds on itself and the trail to destiny is not always clear, it changes and we stretch and shrink to fit life and we learn things that become invaluable to us. Because I have always had this sense of purpose, this deep-rooted devout belief that I was on a journey to something and since I was about 15 years old I can remember my constant prayer asking God to give me strength to do what he will have me do and to give me guidance. Nearly everything I needed stemmed from having that prayer answered day after day.
I cannot possibly claim that I have it all figured out or that my journey of life is done teaching me but these are some of the beliefs that guide and explain they way that I operate, how I got where I am and what I have learned so far. I hope everyone that reads this gets either affirmation, or has an aha moment or at the very least is provoked to think about anything, at all, just to challenge or awaken thought.
Stay beautiful people!
Check out my immediate reaction to last nights episode of Scandal!
In recognition of the the long awaited dismissal of Edison Davis and Olivia’s finally getting her life only to have it violently ripped away from her shortly thereafter. This is in recognition of that kissing scene in which Fitz resorted to old Jedi-mind-trickery and convinced Olivia to trust her gut. I must say the it seems that, just like she said in previous episodes in which she was heartbroken, Olivia no longer really has a gut. Her gut was crowded out when she made room for love and conspiracy and guilt and now she just can’t seem to find it again. It cost her during the election, it cost her professionally, it cost her personally and I don’t know when she is going to get it back because Shonda and the writers seen to have written her gut out of the present day. Anyway I love that the writers let Olivia explain their love in a dramatically ironic way and that it complimented this excerpt from an earlier post I had written during the Hiatus: Scandal Therapy Session #2. Check out this excerpt…..
” The feelings with Olitz are always exemplified when I can relate, I.E. in that moment you have two people who are undeniably, tragically, inescapably and deeply in love and I know how that feels, what I could not fathom is the amount of other ‘things’ that make that feeling seemingly insignificant when in actuality its the only thing that matters to you. I really feel like their life is a room full of loud voices, the voices of their subconscious, the voices of their mentors and their bosses and families and their common sense like their is a voice telling them how to be the greatest person they can be, a voice telling them how to save their life, a voice telling them how to do their job, a voice telling them about their well-being and their pride and their image but the voice that is the loudest most distracting and consuming is the one that belongs to the person you are madly in love with and none of it seems to fit together in the puzzle of life and it hurts but it just hurts so good because no matter how trashy your life gets when you hone in on that voice, time stops and not much else matters.”
The bold is the most important to me in this episode. Edison tells Liv that Love is not supposed to hurt and maybe it isn’t but it does. Fitz and Olivia’s love hurts because its trapped but what good is love that only appears where practicality allows? That’s not love, that’s compatibility. Moving on.
I really do and could understand where Edison was coming from but I’m much like Olivia in that I simply don’t want to, I just want him gone. Edison is a great guy, I’m sure, possibly but he just doesn’t fit at this moment even if Fitz is behaving this way I still don’t want him around because he doesn’t make it any better. I really have considered the fact that Olivia would be doing exactly what she’s doing with Fitz or without Fitz she is madly in love with fits therefore she can’t help but be with him but if that weren’t the case she would likely forego love and the idea of ‘normal.’ Olivia is just one of those women that has dedicated herself to her career and her lifestyle and she may not want to give that up, she may be happy/unhappy but sure of where she is.
The scandal writers really deliver with Cyrus’character and his monologues. Jeff does his part to make the character phenomenal but the material is darn near flawless. Jeff and Dan slayed that scene, there really are no other words, they slayed it! We find out how deeply rooted Cyrus’ demons are as he confesses his (obvious) desire to be president and how Fitzgerald was his only hope for anything remotely similar to that experience.
Verna was a coward and a G at the same time! I really don’t care that Fitz killed I only care that it took away his innocence. How a man who is cheating on his wife has such a great amount of innocence to spare is another conversation for another day.Verna went out in a very odd way I really have no other words for it….. odd is all a I can come up with in terms of her character and her motivations and actions. The only thing I know for sure is that I don’t agree with what she did and I understand Fitz completely but that shocked me. I never would have imagined Baby Fitz killing someone. I really still think of Fitz as that kid in the Montessori that has no idea how his parents got him there but Verna spoiled that version of Fitz for me, she took his innocence and has turned is life upside down which would explain how Mellie ended up on top.
Mellie doesn’t like old people or babies that should tell you something! At the end of the day she is his wife but this is not real life and I don’t want them to be happily married and I don’t hold them to the standard and commitment they made in marriage that I would hold normal person to. I want Olitz and I want it NOW!
This is a television show. Judy asked if we were Fitz what we would do…..? If I were Fitz and it was real life, I would stay with Mellie but I am not and this is a television show and I want everything extreme I want everything dramatized I want everything to have a run amok I want it all and that means I don’t want the Grants to be together. I want my moral compass to be off and it be ok, I want to stay true to the story and let go of practicality and be controlled by love for at least one hour every week.
I love how baby Teddy disappears much like the other Grant children who had never really appeared at all to disappear but have just been floating around in everyone’s imagination.
I just want to take time out to pay homage to the emergency stash of red wine Liv has at work and to her having a drink just as she thinks she is headed to the big house. I have my wine stocked and ready every episode last nights red was a delightful Banfi Cabernet Sauvignon Sangiovese, and I love to drink with Ms. Pope. Kerry admitted on twitter that she had never opened wine for herself before shooting that scene, to which I responded “Your therapist should be fired if they knew that and did nothing about it.” Another issue for another day. In the words of Olivia Pope “Drink with me.”
Dabby was back in action and they were just as repulsive as they were short-lived. I really did feel badly for Abby and how her relationship with Olivia suffered but I think she really knew that it was not personal and it wasn’t something Liv took pleasure in doing. Dabby was back in action and they were just as repulsive as they were short-lived. I really did feel badly for Abby and how her relationship with Olivia suffered but I think she really knew that it was not personal and it wasn’t something Liv took pleasure in doing. Harrison said it best, she knows what they’re about she knows what they do and he doesn’t ask questions that’s been the problem both seasons ASKING QUESTIONS! If they asked every question nothing would get done. Olivia knows all the questions to ask and the other questions don’t matter or aren’t worth asking. BOOM!
Fitz said some very hurtful things and Olitz has that relationship he knows what to say to hurt Olivia and he said it. I don’t know how much damage that will have done but I don’t see that being the end of them. I will say this time and time again we have to stay true to the story as Shonda said and the story is Olivia and Fitz! I know that what Fitz said is in reaction to the devastating news that he had just received. I can already tell that Fitz has transmogrified into this dangerous, raging, drunken, furious being and I love it because it’s real. Shonda doesn’t do mild or unrealistic. She writes whole people and whole people usually have holes and complexities and rough patches and scars and open wounds and that’s real. I know that Fitz will come around and if anything in the world can be depended on its that Liv will not be waiting but deep down inside she will be willing. I am in for the long haul and I know Shonda may break our hearts but she will always give us something worth looking forward to.
It really is just an episode in which everything has been put on the table and it has done nothing! All the pieces are still left shattered on the floor. Next week looks like a good one too but I am trying to recover from last night before I get into my feelings on this one…. emphasis on the word trying!
In the next episode Liv is looking especially fabulous before she gets all hemmed up in that closet!
I’m going to tell you what I see …..
That fabulosticity comes from not getting laid and being heartbroken! That’s that :I look pristine because I’m not getting my hair pulled and I don’t have car sex or impromptu sex so I have no rug burn and I’ve been spending a lot of time in the gym” look. (see swimming scene)That’s that “the next time he sees me he will know I am falling to pieces but I will look like gold” look. That’s that “I’ve been focusing on work and spending lots of time at the mall” look. That’s that “I don’t have anything going on because I’m so emotionally tied up and damaged from my last relationship so I say ‘I date’ when anyone brings it up” look. I’m done. I love you Liv. But I know it when I see it.
Everything about next weeks episode looks juicy. Olivia has skipped out of the white house and shopped around the pentagon for a new man and I’m not mad at it! I just don’t want any of those problems we had with Edison popping up. I love that Olivia gets a swimming scene! I’m a swimmer for sport and I love having one more thing in common with Liv Pope. In the clips of the promo for next week we see a drunken show argument with Fitz and Mellie and some closet sex with Liv and Fitz and I ain’t mad at that either!
Until next time my darlings, good day! I hope you enjoy this labor of love.
I couldn’t even wait to finish writing my recap, I had to blow off some steam.
